We are told to be kind and generous to ourselves, but it's not always easy. Often we don't feel deserving. Often we fail to act in our best interests in the chaos of the present moment, denying ourselves loving tenderness. We look in the mirror and think about every dumb thing we've done or said today, and we decide, Well, there stands a lousy piece of human garbage. Then comes the punishment, which can be anything from binge eating to taking other people's abuse to blowing off our taxes. When you hate yourself this much, why would you ever make your bed? You're basically a worthless dog who deserves nothing better than to sleep on a pile of damp rags.
But what about the person you will become in a week? Or a month? Or a year? What about that innocent stranger? What did she ever do that was so wrong? What if you were able to regard your future self as a deserving visitor worthy of affection and sympathy? What if every single day you tried to think of one nice gift you could offer her—something that might make her feel welcome and safe and loved when she finally shows up?
It can be as small a gesture as flossing your teeth (a boring task I can never bring myself to execute unless I begin by saying, "This one's for you, future Liz!"), or as big a gesture as quitting smoking or walking out of a toxic relationship because you don't want your future self to suffer as much as your present self is.
If you can't do a nice thing for you, could you possibly do a nice thing for her? That mysterious and blameless stranger will someday have to live in the world you're creating for her today. In other words, you're the one making the bed, but she's the one who'll be lying in it. So be nice to her today. Be nice to her every day.
Remember: You are the best friend she has.
Source: Elizabeth Gilbert
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